He Builds Us Back

Once again it has been a pathetically long time since our last blog post (almost a full three months), but this time it has partially been intentional.  It's been quite a rough summer for the young Shultz family and it has kept us very busy and difficult to keep up with the many things we need to do on a daily basis.

But another reason why we've been pretty quiet on the blog front is that we want to use this as a medium to educate people about REAL adoption issues, and hopefully inspire some to contribute to this growing problem of the orphan crisis.  What we don't want this blog to be about is an emotional, venting, and dramatic rant about just OUR life.  Hence our silence.  We've spared many posts talking about how difficult life has been, and even, rarely, rejoicing over a good day.  This does not minimize the difficulty that of what we have been going through, or many of our adoptions friends for that matter.

I am writing this post for a few reasons.  Our Facebook friends have noticed that we have had some back-to-back vacations in August which we have overall enjoyed, but don't be too jealous of us.  Large parts of our vacations have not been very relaxing.

Attachment issues have been raging strong.  For anyone who knows what raising a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is like you know how tired and worn down we are right now.  Currently I am sitting at our camp site while Justice is napping, Agape is in time out, and Jen is taking her needed R&R at the beach.  For many days now we've felt very confused and frustrated by all this, and have had to re-visit the question of where God is in this adoption.

Was this a mistake?  Are we total failures, or are we doing this the right way?

These questions FEEL hard to answer, but the answer is actually pretty simple.  Our daughter, before living with us, has lived a troubled life filled with things from the depths of Hell itself.  You cannot walk away from this without being deeply afflicted.  We are battling the demons that haunt her everyday.

And though dealing with this along side her is messy we hold on to this truth:

"For God is not a God of disorder but of peace"

The thief is attempting to destroy the walls of our family and take the joy that Christ has given us.  The walls we build ourselves crumble all to easily, but the God of peace is rebuilding us with stones that hold against anything that hits it.

Been really comforted and inspired by a song from the Newsboys.  Take a listen to the link below, and I hope that it comforts and inspires any of you that is going through a rough time right now.

Peace to you all.

Friday Night Thankfulness

Tonight I have been sitting at the computer with a lot on my mind and heart. Dan is working midnights this week, and the kids were in bed pretty early. (Agape earned herself a 6:30 bedtime today... fun, fun.) This has given me some RARE time to really reflect while perusing facebook. Not much was going on tonight... I suppose most people fall into either one of two catagories: 1. out having a life and therefore too busy with fun and excitement to post or pin or comment or 2. at home doing pretty much nothing, so don’t have anything really interesting to post about... but wishing someone else did so you could live vicariously through them! LOL Tonight I fall into catagory 2. I have often been in catagory 1, so I am not really complaining, just making an observation.

But my quiet time tonight has been good for my soul. I rarely get this. So I actually decided to forgo the chores and check up on some old adoption blogs and profiles of families who I know are still fighting the good fight to bring their children home, or, sadly, have lost the battle and will not be bringing any little African beauties into their homes. Regardless of the details and reasons for these outcomes and long waits, it is heartbreaking. EVERY. SINGLE. CASE. These are beautiful people filled with the LOVE OF GOD for the fatherless, experiencing real life-altering heartbreak. These are precious children who are not yet home with a family who loves them and wants to give them a future.

As my eyes have brimmed with tears for those families and my soul has called on the Lord of Mercy on their behalf, I have also been brimming with thankfulness.

As hard as the past few weeks have been, as much as Agape has been sucking the metaphorical-emotional life out of us lately, as much as we have very real concerns for our daughter and have many things weighing on our hearts in respect to her, WE HAVE HER. She is HERE, and she is OURS. Oh, how miraculous that is! I don;t want to lose sight of the blessing even on the hard days. ESPECIALLY on the hard days! She may be driving me nuts or even bringing me to tears, but the reality is that we have the unique, ridiculously amazing, and life-changing opportunity to be her parents, and we would not have it any other way!

Tonight I was talking to my mom on the phone about the events of this past week and some of the “fun” that led up to the early bedtime tonight, and she made the comment, “I’m sorry Jen, I know you probably never expected it to be like this...” 

Well, that caught me off guard, and just did not sound right to me... and I realized that it really wasn’t true. Sure, we did not know exactly what our daughter was going to be like. Adoption is something that you never fully understand until you are smack dab in the middle DOING it. But the TRUTH is that - thanks to gazillions of books, blogs, support groups, and madatory education requirements for our agency and homestudy - we were prepared for almost every worst case scenario possible. Agape could have truned out to be an axe murdering psychopath, and we were ready to get her the help she would have needed while continuing to love her through it. No lie! Last year at this time I remember wondering things like, “Will I be able to leave her alone when I am in the shower? Might she be a danger to herself or Justice if left alone? Will we have to lock up the knives? Can we trust her not to steal and stash all of our money when we are not guarding our wallets or savings jars? Could she be capable of truly, intentionally hurting or being cruel to one of our family’s pets? Would she ever be cruel to Justice intentionally or hate him? Might I be cleaning poop smeared all over the walls at this time next year?” All of these and more... And each one of these concerns was birthed from another family’s REAL adoption story where their child had some serious issues to work through.

So, in respect to all that COULD be going on, I would say that things are actually BETTER than I “expected” in a way, because half of me was prepared for the worst case scenario!

Instead of a danger, our daughter is a caring, sensitive sister who LOVES Justice, is kind of scared of the cats (Honestly! She thinks Emily is going to eat her in her sleep! LOL), has not demonstrated any problem with stealing (*yet*), and seems to appreciate poop only for its comedic value (oh, how Justice’s poop faces make her LAUGH hysterically)! Those are all qualities that we are thankful to have found in her. And so our worst case scanarios have not proven true.

Instead we have attachment regression, incontinence issues, disobedience, control seeking, and a desprate need for attention from others, etc. All these are intertwined and related in her psyche in ways that we do not even fully understand yet. But from what we have researched, all pretty standard fare in the “older child” “child from hard places” world. Some issues are more intense than others, and some DAYS are worse than others... and some things grate on and hurt Dan and I more deeply than others. But we have no fears for anyone’s safety, and we do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loves us... although it is based on whatever limeted concept she has of love right now, she loves us. And we love her. 

Our concept of love, we have found, has quite a bit more stretching and deepening to do too. So God is working on all of us.

All that being said, my heart is HEAVY for those waiting for/missing their children. We pray and ache for you and for the kids! And my heart is also thankful to God that even on my most emotionally exhausted day I actually have the opportunity to be exhausted... because it means that my daughter is HOME. I DO NOT EVER WANT TO TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. And right now I have the chance to be the biggest influence in her life for a few short years, and so by golly, I am going to do my best by her!

And on that note, its time for me to go upstairs now and wake her up for the 2nd time since she went to bed to have her get up and go to the bathroom. Then again at 3am. It’s not fun, but she’s worth it. And MAYBE... maybe tomorrow the sheets will be dry. And maybe tomorrow we won’t have to mandate an early bedtime. And maybe tomorrow will be a good day where my daughter allows herself to trust our love and follow our lead and let her guard down.

But if not, we’ll try again the next day. And thank GOD for the chance to do so!

The most personally painful blog I have ever written...

Mother Teresa once said, “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Well, that is what we are living out in our family right now... only these days we are existing in the first part and often waiting on the second to be true.

Warning, this is going to be a “bare-all” kind of blog post. The long and short of it is that we are going through a very testing time with Agape. I am going to be pretty up front about a few instances that are not only hard to think about, but even harder to write about to a public audience because they are just so painful to me. This is life with an older child who has come from a HARD PLACE and is just learning what family means. And what LOVE means. Because sometimes love is not soft and fluffy and gives you everything you want. 

I am writing this post HALF for my own need to just “get it out there” and HALF for the other adoptive parents who need to know that they are not alone. So, at the risk of people making judgements or having opinions on “what we should do next time...” (please be gentle with us) here goes:

It has been a little more than 6 months since Agape came home. Only six?! Six whole months! So short, but yet so long. We have morphed and changed and smoothed into a family with a rhythm and a bond. In many ways, and on most days, Agape blends in pretty seamlessly. She speaks fairly good English (we are working on things like verb tense, grammaticaly complete sentences, and word order), she can understand most everything that we ask or say (and if not she can tell us speciafically what needs further explanation), and she understands how our family and schedule works. She can read - YES, READ! - and is starting to sound out words and write them herself. She has become a super awesome swimmer, and swims laps because she says that she wants to be on swim team someday. She snorkeled off a boat on a reef in the middle of the ocean when we were in the Keys! So proud of her in that moment, because just 5 months earlier she had never swam once in her life! Best of all, she is an amazing big sister, and she often shows a good deal of responsibility in caring for Justice and helping us with household tasks when we ask. When she is “on” she is fun, and witty, and silly, and joyful to be around, and has the biggest smile and laugh! 

And all of this stuff is pretty awesome and fun, and makes our family feel whole. I like to think on these things because they remind me just how far we have come, and that progress has definitely been made. 

And then there are those days... those days when something comes over Agape and she almost become a different child in a matter of SECONDS. When she reacts out of a heart of fear and insecurity and DESPRATELY claws for control over us and the situation OR attention from anyone and everyone NOT us. We call those the “orphan moments” when she suddenly becomes an orphan again in her heart. When she again believes - or in a sad way thinks she wants - to be on her own again, just trying to survive off of anyone she can, without any of the vulnerability that true love and family asks of her. 

I have become so sensitive and in tune with Agape’s tones and mannerisms that I can sense these things coming now. What may look like “a happy day and all is well” on the outside of Agape’s smile, may be trouble brewing in her soul. OH SO SUBTLE shifts in the way that she looks at us or pretends to not hear us when others are around, when she seeks some approval or smiles from others, or slips her hand from ours... or even just so much as loosens her grip on our hand or slightly wanders toward others when we are walking in a crowd. I realised the other day that I could even predict how the day was going to go by her laugh first thing in the morning. She has this nervous “put on” laugh that means that she is feeling distant and insecure about SOMETHING. Not that she will - or can - tell us what it is, which is hard. I can feel the wall start to rise and her emotional distance start to grow. Then comes the disobedience. Small at first, with little, insignificant things; but it soon grows too large to go by uncorrected. And then - when she does not want to be told “no” or corrected or simply does not want to obey a request we have made - then comes the cosmic sized verbal-screaming-meltdown-performance. She saves these for when she has an audience. At least the BIGGEST ones. And it is frequently accompanied by her making herself throw up on me. Yes, I did just say that she could throw up at will. Because she CAN. And she has no qualms about doing it in public while telling others around that I made her do it. And her cry has changed from the generic “African wail” (Ey-yi-yi-yi-yi-yiiiiiii!) to very mean and hurtful words, or lies to get others to pay attention. Things like “stop hurting me” when we are not doing a darn thing, or “somebody, anybody, helpa me! I need someone to helpa me!” or “No mommy, no!” or “I no like you!” or even “I will bite you!” Of course, when she is really mad, she tells us that she wants to just go back to Africa so that she does not have to listen to anyone anymore. A part of her heart wants to go back to being “parentless.” (OH SO MANY spiritual applications here and ways that I see my own heart in this. Don’t we all sometimes long for the “slavery of Egypt” over the challenge of relying on a loving Father? Please don’t think that I am missing the irony of my own orphan heart mirrored by these actions!) 

Now, anyone who knows Agape and sees her sweet smile or hears her hearty laugh on a regular basis might find these things hard to believe, and we understand that. It is even hard to believe for us, that she can flip so fast and become a child that we barely know! It is almost like she becomes like a desprate, cornered animal, unaware of the ramifications of her actions. She is just in survival mode, doing what she has done for the past however many years of her life! And it is all about getting CONTROL. Because something in her soul or in her environment is feeling very out of control and scared at the moment.

But on the other hand, she knows very well what she is doing and saying, and her words are carefully calculated to try to get the  optimum “results” she is after. She is one smart cookie, unfortunately, when it comes to playing people and situations. We were warned about this in Congo by two different sets of caretakers. They told us that she had quite the mouth on her, and she is very sassy and quick  witted. We witnessed her challenging adults there with smart-aleck comments, and she knew how to scream and what to scream to gain the attention of her fellow Congolese.... and now that she speaks English very well, we are getting to experience that personally here in America. Not bad language, but just very mean things actually aimed at hurting us emotionally and getting others to stare. Imagine teenager words coming out of a seven year old body in the midst of a toddler-like tantrum. Attention and control.

And when this happens, we just have to keep on keeping on. Just keep going about what we are doing, not giving any extra attention, not giving in to whatever she wants that she is not getting. Just holding tight to the groundrules. Trying to get her away from her audience. Keeping an even tone. Telling her again that we love her, and that we only ask her to do, or not do, things for her own GOOD. Just keep on holding that hand that she is desprately trying to pull away from ours. 

And then - IF IF IF no one has fed her tantrum with attention - all of sudden she will just stop, turn her crying off like a light switch, and try to act like nothing was ever wrong. In 5 minutes she will try to joke and laugh with us, and play and ask for things. And then, when she sees that she is still in trouble for her actions, she will become ULTRA-SUPER-DUPER helpful. Trying to make up for the behavior by hugging us with the same nervous laugh that preceeded the outburst. 

And there we are. Battleworn. Scarred. Bewildered. Sometimes covered in puke. And very often recieving stares that could freeze souls from others who think that we must be horrible, abusive parents. And sometimes they even tell us that to our faces. 

Like last Saturday, and like today. 

Last Saturday was our Mother’s Day outting at Ten Thousand Villages. My mom, step-father, grandmother, sister and brother-in-law, and Dan’s family were there. We were all eating lunch in the cafe after an African Drumming session, and suddenly, Agape started “slipping away.” I had noticed that she was getting pretty wound up, and tried to bring her back down and have her sit with us and eat her lunch. She basically began to ignore Dan and I, and began to actually mock Dan and laugh at it. I took her to the bathroom to talk, and here is where it alllllll went south. (in retrospect, I SHOULD have gone to the car where there was no audience. I am learning.) She began to scream even before we got into the bathroom. Inside I was thrown up on 3 times during a temper tantrum so loud and verbally explosive that it had customers complaining, and the manager wanting us to leave. Thank GOD for three parts of our family being there to have our backs in explaining what was going on so that no one reported us to child services! 

Then we had a great Mother’s Day, and a smooth next week, and fast forward to the next weekend:

Yesterday at the 5K - despite the fact that Agape walks/jogs 2-5 miles with me everyday and was SUPER excited about the race telling everyone she met how she was going to run with Dad - She began to pull away from Dan at about 1/4 mile into the run, and then screamed when he held her hand to keep her near him, waling and crying, throwing herself on the ground and saying he was hurting her, and that she did not like him. This was so bad, in fact, that security stopped Dan to ask what was going on. Thank God they believed him. But then he was told by three separate people that what he did was terribly inappropriate, OBVIOUSLY hurting her like that. The stares that he got were bone chilling. Others tried to tell him to just let her walk with them. (Whaaaaaat?!?!?! They were perfect STRANGERS! NO WAY he was just going to give her to them!) He was both angry and crushed at the same time. His heart was hurt so deeply. 

But then when we were all back together at the finish and Dan walked off to just get some space, she got so upset asking where he was going. She was terrified thinking he was leaving. She was crying saying “Sorry, sorry, daddy don’t go. Where my daddy going?” Obviously, she was scared that she had finally driven him away. She was quite relieved when he returned.

And we KNOW how all this must look to others! We understand why people react as they do, really. But at the same time, we wish that everyone would give us a chance to explain. And that they would not step in and FEED the behavior.

[Disclaimer: PLEASE NOTE, we are taking this SERIOUSLY, because of the possible legal ramifications that Agape could unknowingly bring down on the family by these outbursts. We are not sharing these things lightly. She simply does not know what saying things like this in America could bring about. Pray for us to have wisdom to help her understand how serious it is.]

Now I know what some of you are thinking... we should “cocoon” a little more and stay out of public for a bit. We are doing too much too soon. etc, etc, etc.... Well, we have been a little caught off guard by these bahaviors coming back. They were gone for a while now, and she has been doing GREAT with being out and about, and loves new places and experiences, MOST of the time... this behavior has returned from the past out of NOWHERE. We had a different child a few weeks ago. Right after our family vacation - which was AWESOME!!!! [read: LOTS of high-quality, uninterrupted, FAMILY time with no outside influences] - we saw a confident, loving, trusting girl whose laugh was real and deep. 

Then, with each day spent at school, we have watched her slowly slip away again. SCHOOL. She simply cannot handle going back and forth between the two worlds of school and family. School is very much like her old life as an orphan - lots of children, a few “caretakers”, and no relationship that is too “deep” that it may ask something of her.  It is a comfort zone. (NOTE: we are not saying this is the school’s fault. It just is what it is.) Then she comes home and exists in her new reality in a family, with family rules, a Mom and Dad who do not accept sass-mouthing or tantrums (these were very effective in Congo, and at the very least, you could get adults to just leave you alone if you were too difficult). We have high expectations for her because we actually BELIEVE in her and what she is capable of. We encourage EFFORT and accountability. And we do not just ignore her when she is being difficult. She simply cannot fly under the radar like she could at the orphanage when there were lots of kids and only a few adults, most of whom could have cared less if the kids even existed.

All of this equals out to some VERY INTENTIONAL parenting. We do not waste a moment with her, always ready to make the most of an opportunity to show her love, and help her grow and learn to be the BEST that she can be. Right now our priority is regrouping, recircling the wagons, and trying to help her regain some balance. It will be hard this month because she still has 3 weeks of school left and Dan begins his new position with 12 hr day/midnight rotations. (yet another level of instability and change to throw her off) We need to make some changes, and we have yet to figure out exactly what is going to help or “work.” We are looking into counseling, and we will go from there....

But can I just be blunt and say that my heart is TIRED. So tired. By the end of a tough day I often feel absolutely drained of all emotional strength. My heart feels like it is running on empty many times. Dan and I concede that we need the GOSPEL for hope and eachother for support, and without the two, we do not know what we would do some days.

And that, my friends, is why we hardly blog. Because we are either so busy making to most of the good, sweet, awesome moments OR so tired from the long, hard, giving love all we’ve got days, that we just need to sink into BED, and pray for God’s grace to refill us in time for the morning light.

But through it all we’ve seen many victories. Agape has conquered many hills already and is slowly, surely learning to “do hard things,” despite how much she would like to avoid it. 

And we are learning the real meaning of her name... 

Agape: Love that gives even if it does not recieve. Selfless, giving love that puts others first. Love that perseveres and forgives, never giving up. Bottom line, the love of Jesus... which He embodied by dying on the cross FOR those who were, even at that moment, mocking him and calling for his death, plus every sinner who ever was, is, or will be. 

This is the love that we need to have in the difficult moments, when she tells us that she does not want us. When she is pushing us away. When she is spewing hateful words while we are trying to give her something GOOD. When she is not thankful.

Agape love is the answer. 

And one day, after the last tear falls, love will be all that’s left....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GiPb6gwuPQ 

Redemption is Painful

Well it has been forever since we've last officially blogged, but we can assure you that both Jen and I have been writing many blog posts in our heads.  Pretty fantastic ones too, but they have not yet made it to the world wide web yet.  Not that I have much time to bring you something truly fantastic right now, but the last two weekends have really been emotional.

This is putting it very simply.

Jen is drafting up a post that explains everything in enough detail, but something that God has been showing me personally lately is how painful a process that redemption is.  Not that I'm surprised by this thought, but I am learning just how true it is.  It is painful for both Agape and us equally, just in different ways.  Currently, Jen and I are a little bit done with this whole redemption thing and are wishing things could be "better".

We've been doing a lot of hard work with our family, and seeing little results.  We press on simply knowing that this has to happen and believing that someday good will come from it.  Lately I've turned to Mother Teresa's timeless wisdom to help encourage me to keep going.  Here are some really good ones from her.

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.  What we need is to love without getting tired."

"It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters."

"The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving.  Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done."

Just some great thoughts for you to chew on.  Stay tuned for Jen's post.

Some amazing things I have seen.

I was thinking today how I have seen many amazing things in this world.  I use the word "amazing" to mean both the good and the bad.  Life has taught me that the most horrendous thing I can imagine still has an element of amazement to it, but with negative effects.

I have stood at the peaks of mountains and stared at the vast expanse of the Rockies.  I have stood above the highest waterfall in America and felt the power of the water plummeting down.  I have trekked through the barrenness of an Arizona desert.  I have snorkeled one of the largest barrier reefs in the world.  I have seen the miracle of birth.  I have seen the faces of children scared by war be restored and filled with life.

I have also seen the desolation of a nation living without hope on their second hand land.  I have seen the brokenness of people fending for themselves through dishonest living.  I have witnessed the solemnness of someone's last breath.  I have seen the failed attempt of a man fighting for something worth more than earthly treasures.  I have seen the faces of children with no life in their eyes.

Quite a lot to have seen for a man of 27 years, but I give you my word it is all true.  However, there is something happening in my home right now that is more amazing than all of this that I can not see.  It is the work God is doing in my little girl's heart as she learns the painful process of being a daughter in a family committed to honesty and integrity.  Structure and security is a terrifying thing to older children who are adopted.  It requires them to lay down all the barriers they have raised to guard their hearts from pain.  Often she is unwilling to take down the barriers herself, so the only option is to sometimes break through them.  What makes the pain and hard work all worth it is the finished product, which is what we actually get to see.  Little by little I see the result of Agape giving up her orphan behaviors and becoming the person God wants her to be.  These orphan behaviors do not go gently though.  As I said this whole thing is a painful process, but overall, I'm enjoying the results.

This is important for me to think about today.  Agape did not have the best of days today.  School was cancelled due to what was supposed to be snow.  Jen and I have been fighting sinus infections for almost a week now, and Jen ended up adding an ear infection to the mix this morning.  On top of that, I just finished my 6th day straight of working today with still 2 more in front of me.  Needless to say, we did not have much patience for her attitude.  So I thank God for giving me the grace to stand when my own strength fails me.  I will put a lot of money on our fellow adoptive families knowing exactly what I'm talking about.  Let us all take time to calm down and remember why we first wanted to adopt, and the power of the God who fuels us through every step of this journey we are on.

Blessings to you all.

We are Together Called

This weekend we re-"treated" ourselves to our first adoption retreat.  Not just our first, but most people's first actually.

Why?

Because, until this past weekend, there were no retreats like this on the east coast.  So we can now cross off our bucket list that we attended the first annual "Together Called" sponsored by The Sparrow Fund.  Mark and Kelly, founders of The Sparrow Fund, might be our new favorite people ever.  We hope they make like Spock and "Live long and prosper."

You can help make that happen by doing one simple thing.  Giving them lots of money.  Actually, give them all your money so that they can continue to give grants to adopting families and host more fantastic events like "Together Called".  I guess if I'm petitioning you to ruin your financial future for this I should probably share why this retreat was so good.

Gladly.

The retreat was held at a quaint, cozy, and lost-in-time kinda place in Leola.  Our rooms were great, and the abundance of food was great too.  Even greater was the people.  Over 60 couples gathered together spanning as far as New Hampshire all the way to Utah.  All because of adoption.  I love that.

We all had our unique stories, but we had something really big in common together.  We've met the orphan crisis face-to-face, and collectively have said, "You are not greater than the Love we bring."  Between all the families present we had over 180 children (186 I think?), and 108 of them were former orphans from all over the world.

During the retreat we were treated to good food, prizes, fellowship, amazing speakers, and most importantly - time together.

That's a rarity in our house these days with two needy children pining for us constantly.  But we were able to actually sit down and talk and enjoy each other's company uninterrupted.  We realized that we still like each other a whole lot (which is a very good thing), and that we need this feeling to not be drowned in the work of parenthood.  With that we are committed to making changes that will keep our marriage strong in the midst of daily life.  We need it, and our children need it.

With this statement we know that Satan will try to shut the notion down quickly, but we are ready for the challenge.

On a side note.  We've been pretty committed to being an open book about our adoption journey.  We haven't really strived to be the best writers on the internet (we met a woman who might be that person this weekend though), we don't want to be some big blog that everyone feels like they have to read.  We just want to be honest about what we go through without looking like picture perfect people.  We want people to know that adoption is hard work and scary.  But it is worth it, and it is necessary.

So I share our difficulty maintaining our marriage for a few reasons.  Firstly, so you can pray for us, we need still need it even though we are able to hold our two children in our arms.  Secondly, it's normal to go through these difficulties and not bad either as long as you address them properly.

Back to the retreat.  This morning we ended the weekend with a small and quaint Bible study with about a dozen other couples.  The rest had to leave earlier.  The Bible study was very simple and actually summarizes what I take away from this weekend pretty well.  Here are some of the verses we talked about, and my thoughts on them.

Phil 1:6 - being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

2: 1-2 - Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.

2:17 - But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.

3:12-14 - Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at me goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

We have never been with so many other people who share our greatest passion before.  It filled our cup hearing how our struggles with over coming the orphan inside our daughter are shared with so many other people.  It didn't make the problem itself better at all, but helps us knowing that we are not the only ones dealing with this same thing.  More importantly, God did not finish his good work in our daughter be bringing her home to us.  He isn't finished with her yet, and we can't wait to see what he does with her in the years to come.

Thanks for reading, and Blessings to you all.

P.S.  Please do consider making a donation to the Sparrow Fund.  They are doing great work, and are deserving of any amount you are able to give.  http://www.sparrow-fund.org/

To Love the Least of These

As life goes on for us I'm noticing more clearly how big the orphan crisis is in this world.  It started in high school when Jen and I did missions work with orphans living at an AIDS camp in Nassau.  Their desperate cry for a family was so apparent that they called us "mom" and "dad".  We tragically lost contact with the children, they were aged out of the orphanage into who knows were, their picture is still up in our house.  They will forever be a strong reminder of how much the least of these need us.  

Since that time we have been constantly inspired to stay involved in orphan care through incredible organizations like Show Hope, Love146, International Justice Mission, and Watoto.  It was no surprise to our family and close friends when we pursued adoption ourselves.

Being in Congo gave me my biggest taste of the orphan crisis yet.  The images I saw at two of the orphanages there will forever be burned into my mind.  Seeing the children lined up against the wall in the dark room we were sitting as they stared back at me with such a lifeless gaze was uncomfortable to say the least.  I still wonder how much love and time it would take to bring those children back to life.  The power of a family is immense, and I encourage all who are reading this to realize how much you have needed being a part of a family.

Going through the adoption process was exciting in many ways for us.  Seeing how so many strangers responded to our story and supported us through our fund raising efforts.  We raised a ton of money, and we are all so thankful for those who were a part of that.  It helped remind us how big of a task we were called to do.  We are still reminded even today how big of a task this is.  Aside from living life with an adopted child, we have met many people who are themselves in the process of adopting.  We even spent time Skype-ing with a couple last night who are starting the process of adoption.  To see the energy they had for this was great, and we are looking forward to seeing where adoption takes them.

Adoption is the medicine that an orphan needs to be made well.  We know this to be true from our own experience with Agape (it's a rough process, but it is working).  Our desire has always been that God would use our story to inspire others to be involved with caring for orphans as well.  He is also using so many other families in the same way.

We've been listening to a song that describes my thoughts on this well.  The band Audio Adrenaline, back from an almost seven year hiatus, has returned with a new lead singer and a new album being released next month.  Audio Adrenaline founded an orphanage in Haiti named "The Hands and Feet Project" inspired from one of their biggest hit songs "Hands and Feet".  Even though the band holds only one original member it still carries the original passion for mission work, and more specifically orphan ministry.  The album has not been released yet, but you can stream it online once if you pre-buy it.  I can tell you for sure that you will enjoy it immensely.  For fans of Christian music from the 90's, the new lead singer is Kevin Max of dcTalk.  He has returned to the scene shedding his bad boy image while keeping the edgy sound his unique voice holds.  Below am sharing the music video for the single Kings & Queens.  A new favorite of mine.  Welcome back kmax.

My time how you fly.

So a fellow adoptive parent reminded me yesterday that the 23rd marked three months since our "Gotcha Day" for Agape.

Wow, three months already?

Whoa, only three months?

Unfortunately, yesterday was a more difficult day for Agape behavior wise.  She was sent home early from school on Tuesday for having a "fever".  We checked it at home and it was 98.8, so not really sure about that.  She was not able to return to school until she was fever-free for 24 hours.  So yesterday was a homeschool day.  It wasn't pretty.  Apparently, to her home is a place of playing and fun.  Without going in to much detail, some days we just can't get her to listen.  Anyway, times like those make us feel like we aren't getting anywhere in her adjustment to home life.  An honest reflection would show otherwise.  Here are some quick facts about how Agape has grown since she was in the Congo.

She has grown over 3 inches, and gain about 8 or 9 lbs.
She is speaking very little Lingala anymore.  She can do basic communication with just English.
Her ear infection has cleared.  However more work will be required in the future.
She actually enjoys coloring and painting.  Couldn't get her to hold a crayon before.
She is going to school, and enjoying it.  Before she would have a breakdown if she wasn't with Jen.

Those are just a few of the measurable things to mention.  Her behavior is mostly better, but as other adoptive parents have noted you deal with one orphan behavior and then realize it is followed by another.  Agape is a work in progress.  Day by day we are peeling away her orphan heart.  It will take time, perseverance, and love to totally win her over.  Thankfully, we have all three.

Adoption is still difficult, but more worth doing than ever.

Blessings to you all.

Christmas Letter 2012

Hey people!  Yes we still love our blog, but we love our children more and they have needed more of our attention lately.  A quick post for you to read is our Christmas Letter for the past year.  Definitely our most favorite Christmas Letter ever.  As you might remember, every year we set aside some of our Christmas savings and donate to a cause that we feel strongly about that year.  This year we decided to bless some families still in the process of adopting from the Congo with a financial gift.  You may also remember that we design and make ornaments to send with our physical copies of the letter.  This years ornament was themed around the idea that the world has one less orphan.  So here is the letter.  Hope you enjoy.  Below I've also shared our Christmas card that I designed myself.

"Oh, wonderful 2012! What a year! It has brought many smiles, tears, trials, and triumphs. The theme of this year for us has been - without a doubt - fulfillment and faithfulness. We have seen lifelong dreams and brand new surprises come to life in our home and in our hearts, and God has been faithful through it all to fulfill every promise he has given us. So many plans have come full circle, and this December finds us overflowing with thanks, awe, and rejoicing as we look back over this past year and reminisce about how far our family has come and the memories that were made a long the way.

First and foremost, children have finally entered the Shultz household, and our lives have definitely reached a new level of awesome/crazy! As most of you know, this year God has blessed us with double the fun: 2 children who make every moment interesting. 

Introducing....

Justice Aidan Shultz! Born June 17th, 2012, 6 lbs 4 oz, 21 1/2 inches, at 9:05 pm. Currently the little man-child (as I call him) is about 17 lbs and 28 inches. Besides being on a strict schedule of GROWING, his days are spent bouncing, bouncing, bouncing in his jumper. He almost never stops moving and is definitely the epitome of a “busy” baby. He gets that from his momma! At the same time, he is also a pretty easygoing dude, happy anywhere, doing anything, with anyone. He gets that from his Daddy! He is full of smiles and laughter, and he definitely keeps US laughing! A few of his favorite things - besides bouncing and teething - are swimming, dancing to Toby Mac, going for hikes (in the Ergo baby, of course), being held by Auntie Emma, and playing with his big sister Agape. She makes him happier than anyone else can! Justice was the very best unplanned surprse we have ever recieved, and he just fills our home with joy and energy every day. 

Agape May Mado Shultz! Her “gotcha day” in Congo was October 21st, her homecoming was November 2nd, and her 7th birthday was on December 7th. So many milestones in such a short time! Although her entire world has changed almost overnight, she is adjusting very well, learning a lot of English, and making lots of new friends. Our girlie is a spunky, spirited, joyful, drama-mamma who loves to sing, dance, and be silly. She definitely has a quick wit, the heartiest laugh we have ever heard, and also a very nurturing side. Her favorite things to do are go swimming and play with Justice, and she LOVES music! She also absolutely ADORES her new extended family, and especially loves her many sets of grandparents (they spoil her well). She has her rough days, and we have already had our first big hospital scare (a severe seizure reaction to some immunizaion) but overall, she is doing GREAT. We have been so blessed to finally have her HOME with us! This has been the best fulfilled promise we have ever recieved and it is obvious that God meant her for us and us for her. :)

I (Jen) have had an interesring year, to say the least... becoming a mom twice over in a matter of a few short months is a little crazy! This spring I finished my education at Liberty with a BS in Elementary Education, and completed my student teaching at Bethany Christian School. It was wonderful to be back in the classroom with some awesome students and teachers! It was even more wonderful to finally be DONE my schooling! Then it was time to give birth, enjoy the summer of baby “firsts”, and travel to Congo in the fall to bring home Agape. The highlight of my year, besides children, has definitely been a return to running and lifting weights. I used to love these activities in high school, but have not had time to pursue them regularly since getting married and being in perpetual full time work/ college mode. The pregnancy spurred me on to be more active again, and I have loved the blessings of long runs in Nottingham Park and around our community, and time spent at our local YMCA. Highlights and accomplishments include: running 10-12 miles daily up until the day before going into labor, hiking in the New Hampshire mountains at 1 month postpardum, running my first 5K and coming in 1st for my age group, and just plain feeling healthier and stronger than ever before. Major props go to Dan for supporting all my hours on the trail and in the gym, to my dad for treating all of my injuries, and to our favoritest baby-sitter ever, Miss Elizabeth Keeler, for her mad skills in keeping my kids happy, safe, and entertained while I run. Oh, and we can’t forget the awesome staff at the Y and its Kids Korner. We go just about every day, and it has been a huge blessing for the whole family: fitness center, play room, classes, swimming... something to keep everyone active all year long. Life is good!

Dan has been busy working his job as a stroke nurse at Christiana. He enjoys his work and the people he works with, and THAT in itself is a huge blessing! He is also on the Quality and Safety Unit Council at work and really loves all the different roles that his job provides for him. This has been his first full year without being in school, and he has been loving it... although he is already starting to talk about going back to pursue his Masters! Nursing is just a perfect fit for him. He also ran his first 5K this year, and has enjoyed his time out on the trails of Nottingham as well, challenging himself to run farther and faster. In between working, running, and keeping me sane, Dan has enjoyed watching Captain America and The Avengers, perfecting his barista skills at home, and working on his photography. With Justice being born and Agape coming home he has had a lot of new material to work with! Dan has also been writing a lot of our adoption blogs this year, and his perfect blend of humor, sarcasm, and heart have often blown me away. He is passionate about adoption, his children, and seeing social justice fulfilled in the world around us, and this is spoken loud and clear through his posts. (I am so proud of my husband) Otherwise, his days are full to overflowing with being the best friend, hubby, and dad that our family could ask for, and he is still my favorite person EVER.  :) Plus, he presses the absolute BEST cup of fair trade coffee you have ever had and makes some slamming pancakes... if you ever need a good hearty breakfast and coffee that will keep you buzzing all day, please stop on by!

As a family, we have shared some amazing trips and experiences. Dan and I went on a short “babymoon” to St John in January, and spent a few days hiking and snorkeling all over the island (which is 75% national park!). It was jaw-droppingly gorgeous, and so wonderful to get away together one last time before the days of diapers, bottles, and meltdowns were upon us. Afterward we visited my mom and Bill in Florida (where they “snowbird”), toured the everglades, and saw manatees who were wintering with their calves. Beautiful! And awesome to see my newlywed mom so happy. :) In the summer we went with my family to a gorgeous secluded lake in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. A week together in the “quirky” lakehouse provided us with many adventures, stories, and laughter. The solitude and natural surroundings were unbelievable, and it was a rejuvenating and precious time hiking, swimming, boating, and making memories. Then in August we had the priviledge of seeing my long time bestest-best friend Kady get married to the man of her dreams. It was an HONOR to serve as her bridesmaid, and I could not be happier for them!!!! In September we took a quick camping trip to Lakewood in Myrtle Beach, our annual favorite family vacation. Then in October we travelled to Congo, Africa! Otherwise, we have just been enjoying our first ever summer and fall with NO COLLEGE since getting married 7 years ago! Fun! The downside to that is, of course, that we are now paying student loans, but that’s just life.  :) We filled this summer and fall with “firsts” for Justice, took every chance to head to the beach for a day trip, and ate waaaaaaay too much ice cream from the Strasburg Creamery. (Ummm... nevermind. On second thought, there is NO such thing as “too much ice cream”) Now we are on to family bonding and enjoying “firsts” for Agape... first Christmas everything has been really fun! The Christmas trees and the lights at Herrs have been her favorites! We are excited to see what 2013 has in store. 

And now that we are home with our daughter, we have turned our focus from supporting our own adoption to supporting the adoptions of others who are still in process... Agape has lots of friends that still need to be united with their families! So we are unwaveringly dedicated to striving for “1 Less” every new day: 1 less orphan. 1 less hurting child. 1 less family waiting. And when there is 1 less of one thing, that means there is 1 MORE of another: 1 more sister or brother home. 1 more child loved. 1 more family complete. 1 more chance for God’s kingdom to be fulfilled right here on earth!!! Adoption is the Gospel. We have been adopted as God’s children, and nothing can ever stop his love for us. And because he loves us, so we can love others! 

For our ornament this year we have painted a “1 less” ornament. For us, this means that every day we are working toward 1 less orphan. Each one of you who supported us in the past year through prayer, donations, and encouragements has been a part of OUR “1 less”!!! Now, this ornament can be a reminder to spend a little time each day creating your own new “1 less”: 1 less lonely person, one less person hungry, one less extra coat in your closet... and 1 more person kept warm on a cold night. You get the picture! The Kingdom of Heaven is all about creating 1 LESS hurting soul by being a conduit of God’s LOVE everywhere you go. This is how Jesus lives, and this is how we want to live too! For each ornament we are giving this year we are sending $ in your honor to a family who is in process to bring their child home from Congo. Now go out and “pay it forward” by doing something to love those God has put around you today! 

BLESSINGS on you and your family in 2013, and we pray that we will see you, talk to you, and meet up sometime throughout the next year. If not, please catch us on facebook as Dan N Jen Shultz or at our blog (which we occasionally keep up with) shultzadoption.blogspot.com. As we all embark upon a new year together, may God be with you all!!!! MUCH LOVE! 

PS HUUUUUGE shout-out to everyone who helped us bring Agape home. Whether you prayed, donated, gave encouragement, or watched our bud Justice while we were in Congo for two weeks (the HARDEST part of the whole trip was leaving him behind) we could NOT have done it without YOU!!!"