The Kinshasa Airport: A Survival Guide

We are IN. THE. AIR. WITH. OUR. DAUGHTER. Oh my goodness, I can hardly believe that I am typing these words. If you have never adopted from Congo, you have no idea the relief and emotion behind this realization! I hremember reading in the blogs of a few families that have gone before us that they felt as though thay had just escaped with their lives. I thought they were just being dramatic. Well, you can officially call me a drama-mamma... but at least you can call me a MOMMA, cause we got OUT! All day long we have been singing the lingala song “Yesu Azali Awa” to keep our minds focused on the reality that “Jesus is here.” I have so needed to hear these words. The last 24 hours have been chaotic beyond what I can talk about here, but let me just say that it makes us all that much more grateful to be heading HOME. Congo is a very messy place, there is a lot of corruption, and nothting goes as it “should.” Instead, it is more like an adventure movie or murder mystery book. Adoptions are no exception. But by the grace of God we are headed home, and with every air mile behind us, my sanity, peace, and love for the good parts of Congo is returning. 

So while everything is still fresh in my mind, I want to write a quick list of “helpful info” for other families who will be traveling soon, and who need to fly out of the Kinshasa airport to get home. We flew Ethiopian air, and have LOVED their service so far. The dreamliner direct flight between DC and Addis, Ethiopia is easpecially nice. And by the way, they have the BEST airline food in the world, and they feed you multiple times! Considering you are stuck in the plane for almost 24 hours total, eating helps to pass the time at least! Dan says that he feels like a well fed prisoner.  ;)  

Anyhow... some thoughts on going through the Kinshasa airport:

1. First of all, if you and your hubby or wife don’t work well as a team.... don’t adopt from Congo!  :)  If you can work together, stay on top of multiple things going on around you all at once in other languages, and divide and conquer, then you have won half the battle already. Proceed!
2. Plan a travel bag of fun. This is a no-brainer to moms everywhere, but it is worth mentioning. Make it a bag that your child can carry themselves if they are old enough.   One less bag for you! We also brought a “stuffed animal pillow thing” that has a compartment inside where we stashed a small blanket. Our daughter used these while we were in country, so they became a “comfort item” that she can love on when on the long flight home. In my opinion it helps the sleeping to have a familiar snuggle item. Also pack snacks (although Ethiopian feeds you WELL! They keeps the food and drinks coming!), germX, wipeums, pull ups, tissues, some folded pieces of TP (for the lovely airport bathroom discussed below), gum or something chewey for takeoff, and children’s benedryl/ motion sickness chewables just in case. Beyond just crayons and coloring books: beads and string, water color paints, stickers, slinky, silly putty, playdough, and children’s books/magazines are great. We are not big fans of electronic gadgets for young children, and especially for adopted kids who can benefit from fine motor practice and one-on-one interaction. That is why we chose not to bring any kind of “video game things” or whatever they are called these days... but if you are all for them, then these would of course be handy! Leap pad would be especilly nice.
3. You will be SOAKED with sweat before you have even entered the airport. Do yourself a favor and wear shorts and short sleeves. We had been told by our agency that we should only pack capris, pants, ankle length skirts, and overly modest shirts. This was not true... plenty of Europeans here wear shorts or knee length skirts. Now, we wouldn’t suggest going for a miniskirt or booty shorts or anything (under any circumstances anywhere, for that matter!) but some comfy shorts and a T shirt or tank would be just fine. And while we are talking about clothes, we suggest packing two sets for you and your child. Also, pack some pull-ups no matter how old your child is. You never know what can happen on a plane ride. We had an older child with us who had an accident. Fortunately her momma was prepared.  :)  Better safe and dry than wet and sorry!
4. Hire your own transport to the airport and make sure you book it for at least 1 hour BEFORE you actually want to leave. We had a 2:00 flight, and we booked our transport for 9:00. We did not actually leave till 10:30. Traffic is VERY variable, so you should plan on at least an hour travel time. Then it takes about an hour and a half at the airport to pay the exit tax, check your bags, fill out exit cards, get through DGM (“immigration” AKA “intimidation”), and go through security. Once you are at the gate you need to plan on them beginning boarding pretty early... they hand-search your carry on bags again and pat you down before boarding. Then you are bussed out to the plane. All in all, quite a process, and - like EVERYTHING in Africa - it takes time! We got to our gate with only about 15 minutes to spare before we lined up to board. 
5. When you get to the airport, make it very clear in no uncertain terms to your driver and the many men who will flock to your van if you do not want others to carry your bags. They will just grab them and do it, but it is definitely for a price, and once they have done it, they pick the price for you! You just FORCEFULLY say no as man times as you need to, then grab your bags yourself and take charge. They cannot force you to let them carry the bags, but they are aggressive and once they have started you are sort of stuck with it. They want to charge $5-10 per bag! And they do NOT take $1 bills. Just be forwarned! (all of this info goes for arrival too... the men in jumpsuits are not trying to be helpful to you, they just want to charge you a high price to carry a bag a few feet, LOL.)
6. We had someone from our agency walking us through the process. This was very helpful, if you have the option. However, we believe that the most helpful part was that they had “friends” there it seems. Hard to say because we cannot understand the language. All we know is that the head of homeland security (or something like that) walked us through with a lot of head nodding. Not sure how we should feel about that, but it got us through and out, and so we can’t complain. We saw him doing it for lots of others as well too, though. This is Africa, after all. If you don’t have connections, you don’t have anything. In any case, having a Congolese guide who can accompany you through the process is GREAT because we don’t speak French and no one here speaks English. You do the math! 
7. Don’t zip tie your bags or tape them ahead of time. They will make you open them all before checking them anyway, and they do not have a way to break your ties; If all of your sharp objects are already stowed safely inside of the ziptied bags, then neither do you. This really holds up the show. We all learned that lesson the hard way.  :)  You can pay $10 a bag to have them seriously Saran wrapped after checking them, which is way more secure anyway. Just pay the money and go with that.
8. It is very helpful to go through as a GROUP if you can. I cannot imagine doing it alone. Safety and support in numbers. 
9. Have a good way to carry all important documents, like a great travel organizer that straps on. When you pay your exit tax they give you a receipt called a “go pass” that you CANNOT lose. You need it to board. You will also want your yellow fever card, passport, and boarding pass handy. And cash, of course.
10. Security is nothing like in the US. In Congo you just put your bags through a scanner and you walk through a scanner... without taking out your laptop or your nicely ziplocked travel sized liquids or throwing out your water bottles or taking off your belt or shoes or coat. In fact, we took all quantities of liquids through with us. Full water bottles, juice boxes, and all. Not one word. So I guess air travel regulations are not universal? Once again, it made our lives easier, so we are not complaining! Our kiddos had water to drink at the gate, and after all that sweating through the airport process, that was priceless! In any case, all this is to say that you do not have to worry about hurriedly gulping down all your liquids before security... it is not necessary, and will only make you have to pee! :)
11. On the subject of pee... the bathrooms here leave much to be desired. They do not have paper, and the sink needs to be turned on by the water valve below. They guy who attends the bathroom wants payment too, or will ask you for things you are carrying. I would definitely go in a group, and bring your own TP just in case.
12. There is a small restaurant and souvenir shop at the gate. The souvenirs are pretty nifty, but definitely more than you wouldpay elsewhere. Still, if you forgot a gift for grandma, this is a convenient last chance to pick up something nice. We did not buy from the restaurant (packed out own lunch/snacks) so I cannot comment on that.
13. Don’t whip out the camera! For whatever reason, this is a VERY touchy issue here. They have a big problem with people taking pictures and video in public. It is quite serious actually, and there are guards everywhere. The one place that you don’t want any extra attention or trouble is in the airport on your way out! Just use discretion, if you must. 
14. Once you are on the plane, ENJOY! Whip out your travel bag of fun games or toys and thank the Good Lord Almighty that you are officially on your way HOME!!!

Whelp, that’s about all that I can think of... If you have travelled through Congo and have something to add, please feel free to put it in a comment below. And all you who have yet to travel, GODSPEED!!! We will be prayign you through as well. After all, as great as the head of homeland security is, God is the one who builds families... HE is the most important “connection” you could ever have! 

Daddy's girl

Well, today was our official last full day in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Crazy. Cannot believe that tomorrow at this time we will be on our last flight from Ethiopia to DC! I had hoped that today could just be another lazy day filled with family and friend fellowship, but it actually was pretty busy. It was a very unusual day in many ways, but still very good. First of all, we spent most of the day apart. A new family arrived yesterday late at night, and today they went to the orphanage of one of their sons to meet him. Dan went with them to get photos and video for them, and also to meet some of the other children. This was the same orphanage that Agape came from - where she got the Jiggers - and so we had absolutely no desire to take her back there to visit. Can you imagine what she would have thought or felt? NOT a good idea! One of the other families that we have met who is here adopting (through another agency) took their little girl to visit her orphanage today... they said that it was BAD! Their poor girl was SO UPSET! She thought for sure they were taking her back. They said they had never seen her so happy as when they were pulling back into the guest house. We did not want to put Agape through that, so we decided that Dan would go and I would stay back with Agape. This was hard for me because I really longed to see the place that was a part of so much of Agape's past and obviously shaped much about who she is. He got pics and video so I could experience it virtually... and I was not missing much, believe me. In any case, the day became a loooooong story and series of unfortunate events (of which we cannot speak... private info), but in the end Dan ended up being gone from 10:30 am till around 6:00 pm!

It was hard for us to spend our last day in Congo apart, but good came from this! First, Dan was able to be there in a tough time for another family. This was God orchestrated, and we are so thankful that Dan was able to be a help. Second, we had a great breakthrough with Agape. So, here's how our day went...

Basic morning routine: breakfast at 7:30, shower, silly time, get dressed, more silly time, walked to market (for the last time!) to get rice for the orphanage and a day's worth of avocados for the kids (they LOVE them!), and Dan leaves for orphanage. As soon as he leaves I catch up on some emailing, and then start major packing. Agape plays and entertains herself for a long while, and then I pop in the Lion King (her new favorite movie!) while I finish up the last of the packing. We take a break for lunch time and play time with friends out under the big shade trees... and grasshopper hunting ensues. Everyone is having fun until it is just about nap time. By this time Dan has been gone for 3 1/2 hours. Agape has asked a few times for him, and I kept telling her to wait, that he would be coming back soon. We figured they would be back around this time, but they aren't, so I figure that we might as well head up to the room for nap. Agape is especially excited to go to nap... and by especially excited, I mean, she was laughing and running up the stairs to our room. Would you be surprised if I told you that this is NOT the way "the long walk up to naptime" usually goes? Well, it didn't take me long to figure out that she thought Dan was going to be up in the room when we got there, and THAT is why she was excited. So sad to find he was still not there. (and all the suitcases are definitely making her nervous) Well, before any sort of meltdown could occur, I restarted Lion King from where we left off, and she happily finished. As soon as it was over she rolled over, looked at me, and said "Papa?" OK, so I was obviously not being very successful with the distraction. I told her "First lala (sleep in Lingala), the Papa will be back." Wouldn't you know the girl just rolled back over laid her head down and went to sleep, just like that. Boom. MAN, she must be missing Papa for nap time to be that easy! Of course, then he still wasn't there upon wake-up. Momma just could not deliver today, and I was so worried that she was going to freak out. Fortunately, she seemed to understand that he was coming LATER. - Zelah is the lingala word for "wait" and we are VERY familiar with it by now!  :) - When Papa finally did come back, our girl was the happiest that I have seen her so far. We celebrated with an all out tickle fight with lots of hugs and kisses. Good stuff!

OK, so what's the big deal? She misses dad. Pretty normal huh? Well for us, this is HUGE! From the very first day, she has had trouble trusting Dan. It seems all the girls have a bit of a struggle bonding with the dads actually (draw your own conclusions, there... and they are probably true). But if you know Dan, you know how deeply he loves. He wants to POUR OUT AFFECTION on his baby girl like nothing else. She is his princess, love at first sight. A few days ago I went to the store, and apparently she wailed from the time I left till the time that I came back, not wanting Papa to get anywhere near her and ONLY crying out for MAMA. The past few days she has been less and less guarded with him, and had responded better every day, even initiating lots of affection now. What a change from rejecting his hand for the first few days. Well today seals the deal. She LOVES her Papa! And now she has seen that even though he goes away sometimes, he still comes back. And even better, when he comes back, he has lots of love stored up to give her!!! I know this will continue to be a struggle for her for a long time. Trust is not built in a week. But a stone has been laid. And each day we will add another and another. And one day trust will be built strong enough to withstand some storms.

Last night we made the mistake of stepping outside the door to our room and into the hallway to greet the new family. Apparently when we were out there talking, Agape woke up, saw we weren't in the room, and just started crying. She didn't come looking, didn't come screaming, just quietly cried to herself. She thought we were gone. When we came back in it took a long time of hugging and reassuring to settle her down. Oh my dear child, we will never leave you like that! You will not be abandoned again! This is how fragile her heart is right now... but we shall keep on loving her with all we have in us till she is strong!

Oh SO MANY spiritual applications that I could make here... so much of myself and my orphan heart that I see in this girl. So much more that I understand about God's love and my adoption as HIS CHILD. But I will leave you with this...

John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

Yup, that's us too, you know.

So tomorrow we will be flying back "home". Home for us... soon-to-be-home for Agape. There is so much more I want to write about my thoughts and feelings on this huge transition ahead for my sweet, oblivious little lady. Man, she has no clue what's coming. But it is late, and my last cold Congolese shower awaits. Plus Dan wants to post. We have to share the computer these days. Hard to type a blog post on an iPhone, handy as those smartphones are. :) Goodnight all... see you on the OTHER side of the ocean!

A happy post for a happy day!

Not sure if it is the fact that we only have one more day here in Congo, the security of knowing that we have our exit papers in-hand, or the excitement of seeing HOME very soon.... but we have actually begun to enjoy our time in Congo lately. Not "having a blast" or anything too crazy like that, but just a general sense of happiness. We have found our "groove" so to speak, and it has made the last few days go soooooo much faster! So in keeping with this happy theme, we have decided that it is time for post about the things that we have enjoyed about our time in Congo. So here goes... my "Top Ten Happy List" for things here in Kinshasa, Congo:

10. St Annes is a lovely place to stay! Yes, there is no hot water, the mosquitos are fierce, and the free breakfast leaves MUCH to be desired (unless you reaaaaaaaally like white bread, AKA Leepah with spreadable cheese), BUT the staff is so sweet, they keep the place clean, it feels quite safe, there is semi-functioning internet most of the time, the back yard is perfect for children to run and play, and the rooms are actually very nice ... especially for Africa! For the past week Dan and I have had a king size bed all to ourselves. OK, so it is the most uncomfortable (not an exaggeration) mattress that I have ever slept on, but it is a BIG uncomfortable mattress! The beds are canopy with mosquito nets ... functional and pretty.  :) Dan likes the air conditioning. I like that we have such a great view from the third floor, and that we get those nifty concerts that I wrote about before through the air vents everyday. Plus, since I cannot go for a run, those flights of stairs are the most exercise that I get all day, and I love them. They are a great way for Agape to learn how to count in English, too! (there are 55 stairs going to our room) All in all, if you ever need to stay in Kinshasa, we highly recommend St Annes. It is right across from US Embassy, the UN headquarters, and a pretty comprehensive market that is like a mini Congo-Walmart. Plus, it is right by the river (great view) and in a nicer part of town. OH, and if you ever come here.... don't forget to go up on the roof! The view rocks! Just keep going past the 3rd floor, and swing open the door with the cement block in front (which is only there because the latch is broken). GREAT view from the roof of Brazzeville across the river too!

9. The people we have met. First of all, the group of families that we travelled with has been AWESOME. Such a source of companionship and comfort through this hard time. We have had so much fun together! Also, the people we have met at breakfast at St Annes and some of the adoptive families from other agencies who are also staying here. This is apparently a very happenin' adoption place to stay, as there are 7 adoptive families here right now! Also, the other guests who we talk with at breakfast. We just love meeting new people and hearing their stories! Finally, the St Annes staff and the woman who last cared for Agape before we came. These people are all so wonderful, and we have loved knowing them!

8. The slower pace. Well... OK, trust be told, I have a love/hate relationship with this. I would like to be a little more busy and go for a MAJOR RUN, but hey, I could use some down time in my life, so I have been trying to embrace it. But honestly, this has allowed for some GREAT bonding time with Agape and lots of fun time building relationships with the other families. I cannot remember another time in my life recently where I literally had NO agenda for this long. CRAZY! It has been hard by good to get on Africa time. But I can definitely get on board with their punctuality, or lack thereof! By Congo standards, I am ridiculously early for things, which is probably the only time in life when this will be true, so I better enjoy it! LOL

7. Going shopping. OK, this subject deserves its own separate post in and of itself. Shopping is a PROCESS and it is crazy! If you cannot be tough, the peddlers will drain you dry. Getting a decent price and making a successful purchase is an art form! It actually gets kinds fun... I'll write about it sometime! But we go to the market down the road at least once a day, and it is definitely one of the highlights of my day, since I get to "get out" from the walls for a bit. Feels good to be on the move a little bit!!!!

6. The predictability. My in-room concerts every day in the afternoon and evening. The dog fight outside our room at midnight every night. The men who desperately try to see us many things every time we walk through the front door of the guest house. Breakfast with friends each morning... loso, leepah, betah-ne, or pizza with every meal! A trip to the market in the afternoon. Agape's long nap. Evenings with the kids all together. There is an order and rhythm to our days now, and it is nice.

5. The weather: 80some degrees in the day, 70some degrees at night. Every day and night. And very few places have air conditioning to freeze me with! This summer girl is in her glory! :)  The sun is warm, the rains are not bad, and We get to resurrect all of our fave summer clothes to wear. SCORE! In the day, the backyard under the shade trees is the place to be. It is so cool with a little breeze drifting along and lizards climbing the trees. Very pleasant!

4. Learning Lingala. The language really is quite beautiful. An odd mixture between French and Swahili. It has the smoothness of French, but the fun swahili syllables that bounce back an forth inside your mouth. The mannerisms and tones that surround the speaking is the best part. These girls are so funny when they talk, and Dan and I have learned so much about how to speak Lingala, so we have been thankful for the ability to immerse ourselves in something new!

3. Hearing the girls speak Lingala amongst themselves... they sound so funny! They babble on and on with each other in very animated ways, using all kinds of sounds and body language, just as the adults do. These girls could go and barter at the Old Market, I am sure! It will be sad for me to not be able to listen to this anymore. I pray that Agape does not totally lose it. It is a treasure, and I am sad that after these next few days I will probably never see my daughter speaking fluently - naturally - in her native tongue again.

2. The FRUIT! Bananas, mangoes, papaya, avocado, pineapple.... all FRESH CUT locally. Amazing taste sweetness. It gets no better people. The flavor is just ROCKIN. Not looking forward to going back to the land of "fall-winter" UGH. Love me some fresh tropical fruits!!!!

1. NUMBER 1 MOST AWESOME THING: Today was the first day with ZERO meltdowns or tantrums! No crying! No pouting! It was amazing. ALL SMILES AND SINGING AND LAUGHTER! Agape stayed with Dan while I went to market, we played memory, colored, played, and ate with friends without pitching a fit about something. She responded well to BOTH Dan and I both when we gave directions, and she was - dare I say - happy and obedient today! How awesome! We both can tell that we have really gained a lot of her trust now, and she knows that we mean business when ask her to do something. That being said... she will probably test our limits tomorrow, BUT the fact remains that today was just plain fun. We love seeing her so happy and beginning to trust our love as parents. THIS is what it's all about people. :)

Happy Wednesday to you all! God bless!

Too many thoughts on a slow connection

I wish I had enough time and words to explain everything I'm thinking about right now.  The past two days have given me great hope and joy, along with sorrow and despair.

Let's focus on the hope and joy part right now.  Agape has been having a much better time with us.  Yesterday holds a memory of her biggest melt down yet.  Started off as minor: all the families had planned to walk down the street to get food at the market.  Agape was having a "listening problem," and we decided that she needed to stay back with me while Jen went with the other families.  We had hoped that Agape would straighten out her attitude quickly and her and I could meet everyone at the market.

Plan failed.  Shortly after Jen left, Agape went into the worst fit I have seen from her yet.  Noticing very quickly that she was actually upset and scared by Jen leaving, I tried my best to comfort her.  Agape didn't want to be held by me.  It actually made her even more upset.  I realized what was happening.  Agape was left alone with a male, and she was in trouble.  My most gentle love was made worthless by the hands of some other male at some point in her life.

Wait, what do you mean this doesn't sound like hope and joy?

Don't worry, Jen did come back (although it felt like forever), and when she did Agape ran to her immediately.  As soon as Jen held her for a few moments Agape quickly settled down.  She realized that Jen was not abandoning her, and that I had not hurt her.  We told her that we love her so much, that we are her Mama and Papa, and that she is our daughter forever.  She actually seemed to understand that.

Following this incident we were able to enjoy well over 24 hours of problem free time from Agape.  I've never heard her laugh so much or smile so big.  We're winning her heart and trust.  She did end the night tonight by going to bed without story time because she refused to brush her teeth, but compared to yesterday this was a piece of cake.  As Agape is starting to learn English, and we are barely getting by with Lingala, we are learning that she is a sassy girl that takes no junk from nobody.  We love that about her, but hope we can teach her to use it more appropriately.

As for all the troubling thoughts inside my head right now.  I can only say that the orphan crisis in Congo is really bad and complicated.  I've seen a lot of the city, and can see that things around here will not change quickly or easily.  I'm starting to realize more about the kind of life that my daughter has lived before coming to us.  So much more I may never understand about this land and its people.  As I think more about this city, I can see that it is a more exaggerated view of the way we all live from time to time (some more than others obviously).  To make myself more clear I will tell you a shirt I saw a Congolese guy wearing today.  It read

"To love oneself is to begin a lifetime of romance."

Many people all over the world live exactly as this shirt says.  Sad to say, Kinshasa is a city with many in it acting just like that shirt.  Take care, my friends, to not let yourselves be given to selfishness like this.  I've seen it ruin a city.

Blessings to you all.

A familiar desire for peace (a post by Jen)

For the first time since we came to Congo, it is quiet in our room. We are on the third floor of a Catholic guest house, St Annes, in Kinshasa. Our ceilings are about 15 feet high, and at the top is a screened opening in the concrete for air flow. This lets in not only air, but also rain, mosquitos, and sound. Outside of our window we can look down on a beautiful, green courtyard furnished with palm trees, flowers, and a statue of Jesus. A literal picture of tranquility. All around the guest house and gardens is a high cement wall to keep all the craziness that lies just beyond the gate on the outside. One might think that this walled in enclave would be still and serene, and to the eye alone, it is! But add the sense of hearing, and the picture is completely changed. The sounds of the chaos outside come floating over the walls and charging through our screened windows both day and night. In the morning, instead of being awoken by chirping birds, it sounds as if masses of people are standing just outside our window, loudly shouting and bartering and laughing and driving - all fighting to be heard above the crowd. A literal sea of sound echoing up from the 10 million people who compete to call this city home. It is surreal how close and real it sounds, as if our room has been surrounded! Think times square on a loudspeaker right in your bedroom. 

Then from every afternoon till late into the night we get our own private concert that never ends. First it is what sounds like an orchestra playing all kinds of music. Truly, it is so loud, we can feel the vibrations! The crazy part is, we have yet to figure out where it is coming from. This music cannot be heard on ground level because of all the other buildings and walls (EVERYTHING is surrounded by its own thick, tall cement wall with rolls of barbed wire stretched across the top). We can hear it because we are up above most of the normal sound barriers, where the music can drift uninterrupted above the rooftops. It is very beautiful, but definitely makes afternoon naps a bit hard! At night there is definitely a party going on somewhere down there! Sometimes it is the orchestra music again, sometimes it is reggea, and sometimes it is something with a clubbing beat. Last night - saturday night - the music was an all out concert with people cheering, horns blowing, and bass thumping. This went on well past midnight.

They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, but I have to say that it ain’t got nothin on Congo! No matter what time it is, there is SOMETHING going on in that huge concrete jungle spread out below our window.

But today is Sunday. Times square has given way to the sweet, sweet sound of birds and church choirs. This is a rare time, and I am soaking it up.

You see, in Congo, peace is rare. For years and years now the country has been at war. War with itself through rebel groups and upsrisings, and war with its neighbors. Every rebel group or war lord is fighting for power, wealth, and position, and most of the time, the ones who suffer most are the masses. But the masses themselves are also entrenched in a similar battle: they each are seeking earnestly to make a place and a name for themselves, or at least to just survive in a country that can be very harsh. Life is a constant straining to be heard above that sea of voices. The government seeks only its own good, and the people, each just trying to survive, do likewise. In the end, no one comes out the winner. Each person lies and is lied to. No one can trust another person. We have been told by almost every Congolese we have met here “I never trust anyone, that’s just how it is.” Walls of self preservation are erected to try to keep the crazy hurt and chaos out... but just like the walls around St Annes, these walls are decieving. Self preservation appears like peace and security, but it is really a pit of loneliness. And those walls are not keeping chaos out; really they are trapping it inside.

This is how I can best explain my daughter right now. She wants so much to be safe and secure, to be fed and cared for, to have a place and a name. But she wants to do it herself. She is very unsure about trusting anyone else to help her. She has been lied to. She has been hurt. She has been abused. She has been “on her own” for most of her life. And those who were supposedly “caring for her” were not. In an orphanage, the children look out for one another, but they do it in a way that mimics the adults: the ones who are stronger get to be in charge, and bossiness rules the day. So what does my child know of childish innocence? Of parental security? Of what love truly means? Taking down the walls is just too much of a risk. The noise that has completely enveloped her life up until this point is just too loud. She’d rather have fake tranquil - pretend control, just like that ineffective garden wall around St Annes - then risk facing the chaos that could come from the vulnerability of love.

And don’t I just understand that perfectly? Don’t I do that too? God knows exactly what I am going through as a parent who desprately wants my child to love and trust me. I will not hurt her, and I know that! But she does not believe it yet. She might not like the things that I am asking her to do or the times that I say NO, but they truly are for HER GOOD. But how can she KNOW for sure? Isn’t this the same parenting that I resent God for at times, and so I put up walls of mistrust around my own heart? 

Yes, I know the struggle my daughter is facing... the difference is that she has good reason not to trust us, and I have every reason to trust God. Almost every adult in her life until now has left her, lied to her, or let her down. God has NEVER left me, lied to me, or let me down! His plans have always proven good in test of time! So that is what we need to accomplish for our daughter... to weather the test of time, and show her that our actions can prove what we profess. We love her, she can trust us to care for her, we will not hurt her. These are the basics. We are happy to start right THERE, and everything else will follow. 

So... for an update, today was mostly good. Better than yesterday, at least! We are slowly making progress on winning her heart. We will take every small victory that we can get and rejoice in it. The worst part of today was after nap (she obviously NEEDS a nap, but when she wakes up she is NOT a happy camper). Well, she lost the chance to go out to the store with us, so I went and Dan stayed behind with her. She knew that she was in trouble, but she was going to try to test the longevity of our resolve. I really think she thought that we would just give in and take her with us if she pouted enough. Apparently, literally as soon as I left she started screaming for me, and kept this up until I got back... which was about 40 minutes later. I came in and she was moaning and crying “ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!” As soon as I went over and picked her up and wiped the tears that had been streaming down her sweet face, she stopped. After a few moments, she smiled, got up, helped make dinner, and loved on her papa for the rest of the night! It can change that quickly. Papa did not leave in the screaming (he did not pay attention to the behavior either) and mama came back. For tonight, we pass the trust test. Her smiles, laughter, and open interaction for the rest of the evening is our great reward, and we will take it. Just like the Sunday quiet outside, for tonight, we have peace inside of our room as well. Peace sounds a lot like the laughter of a beautiful African girl. It is a sweet, sweet sound, and we are soaking it up.  :)  Because tomorrow is another day... and It’s a Monday! 

The beginning of the end

As many of you may already know from our Facebook posts we received our Exit Letter this evening.  That means that we are able to leave the country with Agape!  This is obviously very exciting news for us, but at the same time a little sad.  We've loved spending time with our new friends, and their children as well.  We've had to work together so strongly to make this trip doable at times.  I can say very honestly that without their help this trip would have been a whole lot rougher.

Now we await to hear back from our travel agent to see if our flight can be advanced so we can get our of here earlier.  The flight schedule being what it is our only two options would be flying out later in the day on Sunday, or any time on Tuesday.  All the other days before Thursday (our current flight date) are not available.

So now this marks the beginning of the end of our time in the Congo.  The trip as been very rewarding in many ways aside from finally getting our daughter.  The Congo has taught us a lot about ourselves as an American culture, and as an American Christian.  I've already spilled my thoughts on these in other blog posts this week, so I won't repeat those.  We've also been blessed to see how many charitable organizations (most faith based) are working in the Congo to help better the people here.  However, we couldn't be more ready to go home.  We miss the life we've left behind.  We haven't been gone quite a week yet, but our experience here has been a little on the sheltered side (for safety reasons).  It is a very defeating feeling to know that it is not safe outside a small radius of places to go.

Another beginning of an end came later after dinner with Agape.  She became angry and through her sunglasses on the floor.  Jen and I instructed her to come back, and pick them up.  She looked back for a minute, and weighed her options to "listen" or "disobey".  Remembering the incident that happened before dinner where we had another melt down.  Without making a seen Agape ran over, picked up the sunglasses, place them in my hand, and then went back to playing.

We pray this is the beginning of the end of that behavior.

Also pray for one of the daughters here.  We had noticed a wound on the back of her arm that we wanted to have checked out by a local nurse.  This morning the wound was not looking right to me, and sure enough it was what we all hated to hear.  She had a jigger in her arm.  We hoped they were all gone now that the rainy season had started, but one remained.  Hopefully it is only one.  The jigger was removed, but it was very painful.  I checked the wound tonight before bed, and was amazed at how much it had healed.  The look of fear that this poor girl gave me as I looked at the area really bothered me.  These children have gone through too much here in this country, and it's time we started a new life with them.

Blessings to all.

Daddy's little girl

So to start off with some exciting news.  Another adoptive family has just arrived to join us, and has their child.  He is a six year old (possibly younger) boy who Jen and I considered adopting ourselves.  Though now we would not trade him for Agape under any circumstance, he is a pretty funny kid.  What is so hilarious is that he's not trying to be funny.  I've never met such a serious child in my entire life.  However, I am a little concerned that he has connections with the mafia.  I will be staying on his good side.  Anyway, this new family has adopted before and lived to talk about it.  We will gleaning their learned wisdom.

Today was an overall difficult day for Agape.  She had her moments of happiness, playing and laughing like the girl we fell head over heels for.  Her and I had a wonderful time playing with her baby dolls, and I proudly say, I enjoyed every second of it.  She is even just starting to accept the English language.  Not truly speaking it yet, but practicing with many words.

Those were her happy times.  The times in between were not so sweet and sentimental.  The first one happened this morning after breakfast.  Agape was washing up to get dressed.  Now, these girls can't get enough of running water.  It's the first time they've ever had it.  So, washing up time usually becomes play time where water gets everywhere.  Agape had her time of fun, and it was time to get dressed.  When she refused to stop, I simply turned the water off.

Like a normal little girl, this caused a temper-tantrum.  She dropped to the floor screaming and yelling, in Lingala no less.  I could tell she was faking her cry, so Jen and I just let her be for a few minutes to see if she would bring herself out of this.  She didn't, so finally I picked her up off the floor, wrapped the towel around her, and just held her in my lap.  That's when her real tears came.

I felt her head fall against my shoulder, weeping with sadness.  She was broken, and I was broken.  I usually try to play a pretty tough nonemotional guy, but this girl seems to see right through me.  As she cried in my lap I could feel the years of pain, loneliness, insecurity, mistrust, and all the other feelings an orphan builds up over the years just flow out of her.  The scars of her past are very apparent both on the outside and inside.

No father wants his child to experience this, and yet my little girl has known only this for the 4+ years she's been alive.  I must remember, that this is the Gospel.  God heard our cries of brokenness, and wouldn't stand for it.  He sent us Jesus as our comfort.  He took the shame we felt from being orphaned by him.  He broke through the wall that was built around our hearts to keep him out.  Now through His Love for us we mustn't feel sad any longer.

It is because of this Hope that calls us to adopt.  To see the everlasting Love of God being played out in our world through adoption is the best picture of salvation that we have.

A similar incident happened during dinner, where we had to bring her up to the room and replay the same event.  This is very hard to deal with, and certainly not fun, but it is a normal and necessary part of adoption.  Plus, we claim victory tonight.  For there is a wall built around Agape's heart to protect her from being hurt.  But after today, there is a crack in that wall.  Eventually this wall will crumble.

The night did end well.  We read her a story, looked at pictures of home, and tried to finish the night with a Bible story, but she fell asleep half way through it.  Now we rest and prepare for another day with our African Love.

Blessings to you all.