I wish I had enough time and words to explain everything I'm thinking about right now. The past two days have given me great hope and joy, along with sorrow and despair.
Let's focus on the hope and joy part right now. Agape has been having a much better time with us. Yesterday holds a memory of her biggest melt down yet. Started off as minor: all the families had planned to walk down the street to get food at the market. Agape was having a "listening problem," and we decided that she needed to stay back with me while Jen went with the other families. We had hoped that Agape would straighten out her attitude quickly and her and I could meet everyone at the market.
Plan failed. Shortly after Jen left, Agape went into the worst fit I have seen from her yet. Noticing very quickly that she was actually upset and scared by Jen leaving, I tried my best to comfort her. Agape didn't want to be held by me. It actually made her even more upset. I realized what was happening. Agape was left alone with a male, and she was in trouble. My most gentle love was made worthless by the hands of some other male at some point in her life.
Wait, what do you mean this doesn't sound like hope and joy?
Don't worry, Jen did come back (although it felt like forever), and when she did Agape ran to her immediately. As soon as Jen held her for a few moments Agape quickly settled down. She realized that Jen was not abandoning her, and that I had not hurt her. We told her that we love her so much, that we are her Mama and Papa, and that she is our daughter forever. She actually seemed to understand that.
Following this incident we were able to enjoy well over 24 hours of problem free time from Agape. I've never heard her laugh so much or smile so big. We're winning her heart and trust. She did end the night tonight by going to bed without story time because she refused to brush her teeth, but compared to yesterday this was a piece of cake. As Agape is starting to learn English, and we are barely getting by with Lingala, we are learning that she is a sassy girl that takes no junk from nobody. We love that about her, but hope we can teach her to use it more appropriately.
As for all the troubling thoughts inside my head right now. I can only say that the orphan crisis in Congo is really bad and complicated. I've seen a lot of the city, and can see that things around here will not change quickly or easily. I'm starting to realize more about the kind of life that my daughter has lived before coming to us. So much more I may never understand about this land and its people. As I think more about this city, I can see that it is a more exaggerated view of the way we all live from time to time (some more than others obviously). To make myself more clear I will tell you a shirt I saw a Congolese guy wearing today. It read
"To love oneself is to begin a lifetime of romance."
Many people all over the world live exactly as this shirt says. Sad to say, Kinshasa is a city with many in it acting just like that shirt. Take care, my friends, to not let yourselves be given to selfishness like this. I've seen it ruin a city.
Blessings to you all.
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